In conversations lately this topic has been coming up a lot. Especially for women, our culture has for a very long time indoctrinated us to believe that divorce is a failure. Even deeper than that, there’s a misperception that it’s a reflection on our inherent worthiness or “enough-ness”.
All of which is bullshit. Divorce is NOT a failure. Divorce is the death of our expectation, nothing more and nothing less than that. Not to minimize the death piece but it’s only an expectation that dies, not any part of our actual selves.
I stayed married as long as I did because I bought into the concept of it being a failure if it ended. Until it dawned on me that it isn’t actually a failure of anything, my divorce was me successfully freeing myself from a situation that was NOT serving me.
Death of an expectation and also liberating myself to stand up and say (loudly) THIS is just not going to work for me.
Divorce is one of many topics we don’t easily or freely talk about. Unless you’re having conversations with me, since I am highly open about being joyfully divorced.
What if we were more willing to speak about our experiences with one another? This human experience is messy and none of us gets through it without scars and bruises.
If I could tell my former self what I’ve learned these past several years, I’d say:
Your marital status is in no way connected to your inherent value and worthiness. You’ll one day enjoy being joyfully divorced than you ever enjoyed being married! Your inherent value and worthiness are held within you and can never be changed. Releasing the heaviness and toxicity of your marriage will not be an easy process and your prior expectations will indeed die.
But on the other side of that death of your expectations is the birth of more joy, fun, clarity, alignment, peace, and LOVE than you can yet imagine experiencing.
The life, death, life cycle is so apparent all around us, just look at nature. It also applies to the changes we experience in our lives. Life. Death. Life. And even when our expectations die there is always, always new life waiting on the other side of that doorway.
If you or someone you know is experiencing the darkness of a heavy relationship or the brutality of the divorce process, please know divorce is in NO way a failure or reflection of you and your worthiness as a human being.
Copyright©2018 by Diane McDermott, All Rights Reserved, “Divorce Is Not Failure, Divorce is Death”
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