Confessions of a Perfectionist

I’m what I would call a “recovering perfectionist” which it turns out is a journey and process rather than a destination.

My inner perfectionist loves to get me into a state of analysis paralysis where endless evaluation of options with the false expectation that there’s a single perfect pathway brings me straight into doing nothing.

Analysis and evaluation are good things, when done in moderation rather than being used as an excuse to not act at all.

The perfectionist side of me wants every single aspect and component to be just right and outright resists the notion of perfectly imperfect. Which is also resisting being present in this moment instead of catastrophizing the future or replaying the past.

Some of the tools I’ve found helpful when I catch myself in analysis paralysis include: meditation, journaling, going for a walk, leaning on my accountability partners, asking myself if I’m using perfectionism as an excuse. Because it can be a really good excuse to stay small, dim and comfortable rather than growing, evolving and transforming.

Even writing this post brought up the perfectionist voice with seemingly valid reasoning that no one else can relate, why would anyone be interested in reading this?

So, to my inner perfectionist: External reactions to what I authentically share are exactly none of my business, so I’m posting and sharing because it feels genuine to me and is certainly something I experience on a nearly daily basis.

Do you relate to analysis paralysis and if so what have you found to be helpful in moving beyond it?

Copyright©2018 by Diane McDermott, All Rights Reserved, “Confessions of a Perfectionist”

The content of this blog is the original content of Diane McDermott, NC Residential Real Estate Broker in Charlotte NC, Heartfelt, Empowering Real Estate in Charlotte NC

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Divorce Is Not Failure, Divorce is Death

In conversations lately this topic has been coming up a lot. Especially for women, our culture has for a very long time indoctrinated us to believe that divorce is a failure. Even deeper than that, there’s a misperception that it’s a reflection on our inherent worthiness or “enough-ness”.

All of which is bullshit. Divorce is NOT a failure. Divorce is the death of our expectation, nothing more and nothing less than that. Not to minimize the death piece but it’s only an expectation that dies, not any part of our actual selves.

I stayed married as long as I did because I bought into the concept of it being a failure if it ended. Until it dawned on me that it isn’t actually a failure of anything, my divorce was me successfully freeing myself from a situation that was NOT serving me.

Death of an expectation and also liberating myself to stand up and say (loudly) THIS is just not going to work for me.

Divorce is one of many topics we don’t easily or freely talk about. Unless you’re having conversations with me, since I am highly open about being joyfully divorced.

What if we were more willing to speak about our experiences with one another? This human experience is messy and none of us gets through it without scars and bruises.

If I could tell my former self what I’ve learned these past several years, I’d say:

Your marital status is in no way connected to your inherent value and worthiness. You’ll one day enjoy being joyfully divorced than you ever enjoyed being married! Your inherent value and worthiness are held within you and can never be changed. Releasing the heaviness and toxicity of your marriage will not be an easy process and your prior expectations will indeed die.

But on the other side of that death of your expectations is the birth of more joy, fun, clarity, alignment, peace, and LOVE than you can yet imagine experiencing.

The life, death, life cycle is so apparent all around us, just look at nature. It also applies to the changes we experience in our lives. Life. Death. Life. And even when our expectations die there is always, always new life waiting on the other side of that doorway.

If you or someone you know is experiencing the darkness of a heavy relationship or the brutality of the divorce process, please know divorce is in NO way a failure or reflection of you and your worthiness as a human being.

Copyright©2018 by Diane McDermott, All Rights Reserved, “Divorce Is Not Failure, Divorce is Death”

The content of this blog is the original content of Diane McDermott, NC Residential Real Estate Broker in Charlotte NC, Heartfelt, Empowering Real Estate in Charlotte NC

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